Here are a few reputably true schoolboy howlers:
 
 
 Christians are only allowed one wife and this is known as monotony.
 
 A lie is a sin and an abomination in the sight of the Lord, but a very
 present help in time of trouble.
 
 John the Baptist was beheaded with the Axe of the Apostles.
 
 You must love your neighbour even if you hate him.
 
 Everyone was pleased when Jesus healed the paralytic man, except Simon who
 had to pay to have the roof mended.
 
 Four men came out carrying a parable on a bed.
 
 If someone slaps you turn and let him have another knock and the door shall
 be opened.
 
 Two Jesuits, probably a man and wife, were on the way to Emmaus.
 
 The end of the World will mark a turning point in everyone's life.
 
 John said it was not awful for you to marry your brother's wife.
 
 Question:  What do you know about Elijah?
 Answer:     All I know about Elijah was that he went for a cruise with a
 widow.
 
 Question:    What is a Vixen?
 Answer:       A lady Vicar.
 
 Question:    What is the first and greatest Commandment?
 Answer:       Hang all the law and the prophets.
 
 Quesion:      Who lived in the Garden of Eden?
 Answer:        The Adams Family.
 
 The Pilgrim Fathers were captured by Giant Despair.  They were a big band
 of Quackers.
 
 Moses received the Ten Commandments on two stones, and these he impressed
 upon the people.
 
 There is always a knave in churches to remind you of Sin.
 
 The chief missile of the Church of England is the Prayer Book.
 
 Jesus cured Peter's mother-in-law when she was sick of a fever, and Peter
 swore and went out and wept bitterly.
 
 
 
 Misheard Scriptures:
 
 Get the hens Satan.
 
 Thy rod and they staff they come for me.
 
 Lead us not into Thames Station.
 
 Lay not up for yourselves trousers upon earth.
 
 Give us this day our daily jelly bread.
 
 In the Father and in the son and in the hole he goes.