Jesus in the Kitchen

by Steve Timm

Scenes:Banquet at Simon's house (in kitchen)
Characters: Mary Mag., Martha, Mary, Jesus, John, Judas, Simon
In all scenes, the women are in the kitchen, the men are out front and to the 
side at a table.

Mary:  Martha, you've outdone yourself again.  Everything is wonderful!

Martha:  This is the biggest banquet I've ever cooked for!  There's so many 
people from Jerusalem here.  Now where's my good-for-nothing sister?  Probably
in there listening to Jesus again.   Ah, here she comes now.  

Mary Mag:  Hi, Mary.  I've just got to get something quick.
(Gets big bottle of perfume out)

Martha:  Not so fast, young lady, we've got another course to serve...
Where are you going with that fancy bottle of perfume?  Come back here!...

Mary Mag:  You'll see.
(She walks out to Jesus, splashes a large amount of perfume on his feet, 
wipes them with her hair.  Several people in the crowd start to grumble and 
Judas (dressed in modern-day clothes) jumps up.)

Simon:  Jesus should know that this woman is a sinner.

Judas:  Why this waste?  This perfume could have been sold for two hundred
dollars and given to the poor.

John:  Shut up, Judas, you just want to steal the money for yourself.

Judas:  You're trying to stick up for a whore!

Jesus:  Leave her alone, she bought this for the day of my burial.  You have
the poor with you always, but you do not have me with you always.

(could insert Simon story here)

(Mary Mag retreats to the kitchen)
Mary Mag:  I'm so confused.  What did Jesus mean?

Mary:  About what, dear?

Mary Mag:  You know how he was talking so much about how he was going to be 
put to death?

Mary:  I hadn't noticed

Martha:  He's never had a greater following than now.  Since he raised our
brother Lazarus from the dead everyone is believing on him.

Mary Mag.:  I know, and I'm so happy for him.  Finally his ministry is having 
some effect.  Tomorrow he's going to ride into Jerusalem and proclaim himself

Mary:  But why did you put that burial perfume on him?

Mary Mag.:  Well, I thought I wouldn't need it now.  I thought that now he is 
going to be king, so I want to celebrate.  But then he started talking about 
his burial again.  

Martha:  why would he talk about his burial?  It's passover season now.  Now 
is the perfect time to declare himself king, when everyone is in Jerusalem.

Mary Mag.:  I don't know, but somehow I think we will find out this week.

Mary:  Girls, you will join us for the Passover meal this Thursday, won't you?

Martha:  Of course.  

Mary Mag:  Yes, of course.  See you in Jerusalem.

(Optionally add a part to act out parts of Seder/Last supper,
footwashing, etc.)

Last supper (in kitchen)
Mary Mag., Martha, Mary, Joanna, Salome, Mrs. Cleopas, Rhoda

Martha:  What did Jesus say at the table tonight, Mary?

Mary Mag.:  I've never seen him like this before--so troubled.  

Mary:  It should have just been the normal Seder service.

Mary Mag.:  But he was talking about someone betraying him just before
he dipped the herb in the cup.

Joanna:  Well, Peter and Simon the Zealot both had weapons on them tonight.
They sounded pretty feisty.

Salome:  They all want to be prime minister in the kingdom.  I don't know
why Peter even bothers, though.  It's clear that Judas will be the greatest.

Martha:  You'd think at least one of them would have been nice enough to 
wash their feet before they came in and trampled up the place.

Mary Mag.:  Jesus gave such good teaching tonight about the Comforter.
And he prayed such a beautiful prayer for all of us, I'm just concerned
because he said so much about going away.

Salome:  Why would Jesus leave us now?  This is his finest hour.  The people
are ready to make him king.

Mary Mag.:  He said something about how everyone was going to desert him
tonight.  But I don't see how that would happen.  Peter swore that he 
would follow Jesus to prison and to death.

(Knock, knock)
Mary:  Who could it be at this late hour?
(Mrs. Cleopas enters)
Mrs. Cleopas:  They've arrested Jesus!

Joanna:  What happened?

Mrs. Cleopas:  My son Mark saw it all.  It was the priests that came to get 

Salome:  But how would they know where he was?  He didn't tell anyone.

Mrs. Cleopas:  Judas led them to him.

Joanna:  But they couldn't just grab him, could they?  Didn't he try 
to defend himself?

Salome:  Yeah, Peter had two swords.  Didn't he try to defend Jesus?

Mrs. Cleopas:  Peter tried to defend Jesus, but Jesus told him to stop.

Mary: Oh, my!

Salome:  Jesus just went without a fight?

Mrs. Cleopas:  He even healed the servant of the high priest that Peter hurt.

Joanna:  Where did they take him?

Mrs. Cleopas:  They took him to the house of Annas, the high priest.

Salome:  Did they get the disciples, too?

Mrs. Cleopas:  They tried, but all the disciples ran away.  They tried to 
grab my Mark but they just got his cloak and he escaped with just his bare 

Mary:  It's not like Jesus to just give up.  Usually he would try to escape.

Mary Mag.:  I wonder if this is what he meant when he said that he would be
betrayed.  And he was saying that they would all desert him.  And now they 

Salome:  But he was just saying tonight that all of the twelve would sit with
him in his kingdom.  And they were arguing over who is the greatest.  Why would
he talk about the kingdom if he was going to be killed.

Joanna:  I think he is going to break free of them.

Martha:  Who do we know in the palace of the high priest that could tell us
what is going on.

Mrs. Cleopas:  My nephew John knows the place well.  I'm sure he followed Jesus 
there.  Oh, but there's this serving girl there I know, too, that works there.  
What's her name...
(Knock, Knock)

Rhoda:  Do you people know Jesus of Nazareth?

Mary:  Yes, I'm his mother.  What's happening now?

Mrs. Cleopas:  Do come in, Rhoda.  Tell us what's going on.

Rhoda:  Well, there's this one fisherman who seems to be one of his 
assistants, Si...

Salome:  Simon Peter?

Rhoda:  Yes, that's him.  I saw him outside the palace and I knew he had 
been with Jesus and so I wanted to ask him what was going on.

Joanna:  What did he say?

Rhoda:  He denied he knew anything about Jesus.

Martha:  That doesn't sound like Peter.

Rhoda:  Well, I wondered about it, so I asked him again, and he started to cuss 
and swear at me.  

Salome:  He must be really upset.

Rhoda:  He swore with a horrible oath that he had never heard of Jesus.
Then all of a sudden I heard a rooster crow, and he ran away.

Mary:  What's happening to Jesus?

Rhoda:  The priests have condemned him to death for blasphemy

Martha:  But the priests can't put anyone to death.  Only the Romans can.

Rhoda:  I think they are going to take him to Pilate the first thing in the 

Salome:  It's morning already. Joanna, do you know anyone in Pilate's palace 
that could get us in?

Joanna:  I used to work for Herod.  They'll let me in there.  I'll try to find
his wife. (leaves)

Mary:  Martha, get some food ready.  Peter is going to be hungry when he gets
back.  It's been a long night for all of us.  We'll try to find where Jesus is.

Salome:  I still think Jesus is going to break free and declare himself king,
and declare victory over the Romans.

Mary Mag.:  I used to think so but now with these events I can't be sure.

(Via Dolorosa ?!)
Cross (from distance)
Mary Mag., Mary, John, Salome, Jesus, Joanna

Joanna runs up to Mary Mag., Mary, and Salome

Joanna:  They're calling out to crucify him!

Salome:  Why, what could Jesus have done wrong?

Joanna:  It's just old wishy-washy Pilate. He can't decide on anything.
He wouldn't even listen to his wife.

Mary Mag.:  What did his wife say?

Joanna:  I talked to his wife.  She warned him not to have anything to 
do with Jesus.  She had a dream warning her about it.

Salome:  But Jesus has done nothing worthy of death.  Even the charges of 
blasphemy are false.  Can't Pilate see that?

Joanna:  He told the mob he found no fault in Jesus.  But they wouldn't listen
to him.

Mary Mag.: Oh, my, I can hear them calling for Barabbas to be released.

Mary:  Why, he's a common murderer.  He was arrested years ago and scheduled 
to be crucified.

Salome:  Here they come out of Pilate's judgement hall.  And Jesus is 
carrying a cross!

Joanna:  Are they really going to kill him?  Can he still escape?

Mary:  Oh, no!  He fell down under the load of the cross!  Let's go to him
with water!

Mary Mag.:  They grabbed someone else to carry the cross.  They'll come right 
past us

Mary:  Oh, my son Jesus, why are they doing this to you?

Jesus: Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me,
but weep for yourselves and your children.  For the days are surely coming
when they will say "blessed are the barren, and the breasts that never nursed.
Then they will begin to say to the mountains "fall on us"
and to the hills "cover us."  For if they do this when the wood is green, 
what will happen when it is dry?

Salome:  It's another one of those cryptic statements.  I don't understand it.

Joanna:  He doesn't have much more room to break free.  Doesn't he realize
that if they kill him, he can never be king?

Salome:  But look at the sign.  This is Jesus, King of the Jews.

Joanna:  Strange way to be king.

Mary Mag.: I can't look.  They're nailing him to the cross now.

Joanna:  It's getting so dark!
(cut to video/music)  (the killing) (Secret Ambition)
(Through PA in dark, Jesus voice on 7 last words)
(Perhaps also chatter of multitude, thieves)
(Priest  "He saved others, himself he cannot save."

"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
"Woman, behold your son."
"Son, behold your mother."
(Thief 1  "Hey you, if you're the Christ save yourself and us."
 Thief 2  "Lord, remember me when you come into your Kingdom.")

"You will be with me in paradise."
"My God, My God, why hast thou forsaken me"
"I thirst"
"It is finished!  Father, into your hands I commend my spirit."
(The death--Key)

Salome:  John, is he really dead?

Joanna:  How could He leave us like this?  We thought he would save Israel.

Mary Mag:  Oh, no, there's a soldier.  He's breaking the legs of one thief,
then the other.  Now he's taking a spear---I can't look.

Salome:  It looks like blood and water mixed.  He really is dead.

Mary:  John, who's that priest who's getting the body.

John:  It's Nicodemus.

Joanna:  They have to hurry--it's almost Sabbath.  There's someone
else with him.

John: That's Joseph of Arimathea.  He has a tomb to put the body in.

Mary:  Men don't know how to wrap up a body right.  They're just throwing 
100 pounds of spices on it and hoping that it lasts.

Salome:  It's only a few minutes before the sundown.  There's no time to do 
anything else right now.

Mary Mag.:  I still have some aloes and spikenard left over.  I could go get 

Mary:  I have some myrrh.  Meet me here after the Sabbath and we will give
Jesus a proper burial.

Mary Mag.:  We have the empty tomb that Lazarus was in.  We could move Jesus
there if we need to.

John: Come home with me, mother Mary.  I will protect you.  They could be 
still trying to catch the rest of us.

Salome:  John, your house is far from here.  We should all go back to the 
upper room instead.

Joanna:  Yes, let's go.

Sunday morning (at + near tomb)
Mary Mag., Mary, Salome, Jesus, disciples

Mary: It should start to get light out pretty soon.  The tomb where they 
laid him is right down here.

Salome:  But who will roll away the stone for us?  It's a heavy stone
and was sealed with the Roman seal.  They had guards there too.

Mary Mag.:  There's no guard there anymore.  Something is wrong.
Look, the stone is rolled away!  Oh, no!  I hope they haven't hidden 
the body somewhere else.  

Salome:  Mary, is his body still there?

Mary Mag:  No!  The tomb is empty.  They can't even let him rest when he's 
dead.  I must tell Peter at once.  (runs back to door of upper room.)

Salome:  Look!  There's a bright light in the tomb now.

Mary:  It's an angel!

(Angel voice)  Do not be alarmed.  You are looking for Jesus of Nazareth, who
was crucified.  He has been raised; he is not here.  But go and tell his 
disciples and Peter that he is going ahead of you to Galilee, and you will see 
him there.

(Mary and Salome start running for upper room, they meet Jesus)

Jesus:  Greetings!

(They fall at his feet)

Jesus:  Do not be afraid; go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee;
there they will see me.


scene shift to door of upper room.  Mary Mag arrives first:

Mary Mag:  (knocks)  Peter!  Come quickly

Peter(from inside):  Go away!  We can't open the door

Mary Mag:  but the tomb is empty!  They've taken away the Lord
and we don't know where they have taken Him.

Peter:  You're hallucinating, Mary.  Come inside and get some sleep.

Mary Mag:  It's true, I tell you.  The stone is rolled away.  The guard is 
gone.  I'm going back to look some more.

(Salome and Mary arrive)

Salome:  The Lord is risen!

John:  You are seeing things

Mary:  The tomb is empty, the guard is gone.

Peter:  It's a trap!

Salome:  He said that he is going to Galilee, and that you should follow 
him there.

John:  We'd better check this out otherwise these stupid women will never
leave us alone.

Peter:  They must be having bad dreams.  Come along, John.  Let's humor them.

(Peter, John go to tomb, Mary Mag. is there)

Mary Mag.  See, look inside here.  I told you the tomb was empty.

Peter:  See, it is empty.

John:  The linen wrappings are all nicely folded.

Peter:  Could it be?  Did he really....

John:  Somebody must have moved the body or something.  Maybe to a more secret
place so people wouldn't have the chance to come and mourn.

Peter:  I guess you're right.  Let's go back to the upper room.
(John and Peter leave, on way back to upper room, they run across Rhoda.)

Rhoda:  Hey, did you guys hear that Jesus was raised from the dead?

John: It can't be true.  We saw him die.

Rhoda:  I talked to some of the roman guards early this morning.  They 
were on watch around his tomb and saw him come out.

Peter:  Even if it was true a Roman soldier would never admit it.

Rhoda:  Well, the priest have bribed them now, so they're going to say
that you guys stole away his body. 

John:  But that's preposterous.  We didn't....

Rhoda:  Hey everybody, come meet disciples of Jesus, risen from the dead.
They can tell you the whole story.

Peter:  Are you crazy, woman?  The Jews will be coming after us to kill us!
We'd better run.....

(scene shifts to Mary Mag. in the garden by the tomb
She looks in, there is bright angel light again.)

Angel voice:  Woman, why are you weeping?

Mary Mag.:  They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they 
have laid Him.

(Jesus comes in behind her, she turns around)

Jesus:  Woman, why are you weeping?  Who are you looking for?

Mary Mag.:  Please, Mr. Gardener, if you have carried him away,
tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.

Jesus:  Mary,

Mary Mag.:  Rabboni!  Master!

Jesus:  Do not hold on to me, because I have not yet ascended to 
the father.  But go to my brothers and tell them I am ascending to my
father and your father, to my God, and your God.

(Mary Mag walks back and knocks on the door.

Mary Mag:  I have seen the Lord!
           Fellows, come on, open up!  I have seen the Lord!
           He's going to ascend to heaven, back to the Father!
           He's risen from the dead!

(from inside:  Go away!)
           when are you going to believe me?  What's it going to take?
           Jesus is alive!  I've seen him!  I've talked to him.

(from inside:  Unless I touch him, I won't believe
               You are speaking foolishness
               You're just making it up)

(Mary Mag. breaks down in tears outside the door, fade to "How could you say no?")